According to Wikipedia, a programmer, computer programmer, developer, coder, or software engineer is a person who writes computer software.
The term computer programmer can refer to a specialist in one area of computer programming or to a generalist who writes code for many kinds of software.
Here’s some things only Programmers will ever understand.
- The root is at the top of the tree!
- Counting starts from zero, not one.
- There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.
- Programming is the art of thinking really hard about how to avoid having to think really hard.
- 256 is a perfectly round number.
- We objectify everything.
- Sleeping with a problem, can actually solve it.
- We know the difference between a String and a Thread.
- DEBUGGING : Removing the needles from the haystack.
- We’re not all fat.
- COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
- Programming is an art form that fights back.
- The Cloud simply means someone else’s computer.
- Murphy was right.
- That Office documents are actually ZIP files.
- When you format your hard drive, the files are not deleted.
A Typical Week of a Programmer:
- There is actually a language called Brainfuck
- Computer interfaces and user interfaces are as different as night and 1.
- You never finish a program you just stop working on it.
- Deliver yesterday, code today, and think tomorrow.
- We understand the power of complexity.
- There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works
- I have no idea why your System won’t open Yahoo Mail.
- I’m NOT a PC repair technician.
- I can’t hack into your school network to change your grades.
- I can’t hack into your lovers email account and hand you his/her password.
“So this SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house, Irish bar, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor”
- I can’t build you a Google clone in a month.
- C is almost a real language. Even the name sounds like it’s gone through
an optimizing compiler. Get rid of all of those stupid brackets and we’ll talk.
- I don’t have a large screen with a black background and a green font in my room.
- Nope, your idea isn’t as original as you think. A social network for sharing pictures already exist, it’s called Instagram.
- I probably have no idea why your printer won’t work.
- I hate noisy places most of the time. I can’t think in them. Thinking basically embodies everything I do.
- Yes, I can develop web sites… but no, I won’t do it for the contents of your penny jar, so don’t ask as refusal may offend.
- We’re more creative than your marketing department.
- I don’t know specifically why your home computer is slow/broken/won’t print or can’t get online… it could be any one of a thousand million things. I’m a programmer, go talk to an infrastructure guy.
- I don’t care about your daughter/brother/aunt/long-lost-friend who “works with computers”
- Programmers are not electrical engineers; most don’t own a soldering iron.
- Don’t tell us what you think the solution is, give us the symptoms of the problem or the requirement, you’ll get a lot further much, much quicker.
- We get extra points for stealing each other’s work.
- We get credits for avoiding work.
- We release software with known defects.
- The three most dangerous things in the world are programmers with a
soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea.
- We all want to do the toughest work.
- Size doesn’t matter. A few lines of our code can make or save millions.
- The work done will be fast, good or cheap, you can only pick two.
- HTML is not a programming language and you’re not a programmer just because you know how to make a web page.
- That when you see the phrase “due to a computer error” reported in the media, no computer was actually at fault – someone somewhere messed up.
- Try telling this to a normal person: A parent may kill its children if the task assigned to them is no longer needed.
- About 25% or more of the hours spent writing an application are spent figuring out ways the end user will do something wrong.
- The building in town with the most valuable contents isn’t the bank or even the jewelry store; it’s the data center.
- programmers are the ones who deals with algorithms and design principles, not the one who repairs a computer.
- “Programming” is thinking, not typing. Most of programming is spent sleeping, walking around, staring out the window, or doing anything else that helps you relax and think.
- 1 Mbps and 1 MBps internet connection don’t mean the same thing.
- When someone tells you they have a “great idea for an app”, what that really means is that they want you to work for free for 6-12 months “in your spare time” while they share 50% or more of the profit, and none of the expense.
- The most difficult part of writing a program is not actually writing the program but rather determining what the client wants the program to do.
- A large part of what a program does is hide from you the gory details of when things go wrong.
- Just as you’re usually not impressed when we brag about how much we know about computers, we’re not impressed when you brag about how little you know about them.
- Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time.
- Real programmers are surprised when the odometers in their cars don’t turn from 99,999 to 99,99A.
- Programmers knows that no computer system is truly secure
- Programming is best done “in the zone” – a (pleasant) state of mind where your focus on the task is absolute and everything seems easy. This is probably much like “the zone” for musicians and athletes.
- FORTRAN is not a language. It’s a way of turning a multi-million
dollar mainframe into a $50 programmable scientific calculator.
- Programming is more about the art of problem solving with limited options than a science of understanding exact conditions to produce reliable results.
- Digital content can never be moved, only copied.
- You can never watch or listen to anything on the internet without having it copied to your computer first.
- You cannot password protect a computer from someone who has physical access to it, only encryption really works.
- When you empty the trashcan, the files are not deleted.
- C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
- Your desktop computer can run advanced programs for free that used to be available only to big companies for $100,000. Like Unix, virtual machines and SQL servers.
- We do hate the word “Just”… like “Just add one page in the application and let that take care of payroll processing.”
- I write backend code, I would rather not touch HTML and CSS so stop asking if I design websites.
- I can see that you deleted the record. There is an audit trail!! Stop trying to blame my code and man up!
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